Spaghetti Night

Cute video of a dog being feed by his bird friend.

Humor: Lie Detector

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it at dinner.

"Son, where were you today?"
The son says "at school dad."
Robot slaps the son!
"Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!"
"What dvd?"
"Toy story."
Robot slaps the son again!
"Ok, it was a porno" cries the son.
"What!? When I was your age I didn't know
what porn was" says the dad.
Robot slaps the dad!
Mom laughs
"HaHaHa! He's certainly your son."
Robot slaps the mom.

Humor: Food For Thought

 

Ponderisms   Can you cry under water?   How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?   Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'.. But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to? Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?   Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have?     How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?     Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?     If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?   Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?     Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?     Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.     Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?     Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?     If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?     Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?     If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?     Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!     If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?     If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?     If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?     Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?     Why did you just try singing the two songs above?     Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?     Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?     Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

Humor: Eight Thoughts to Ponder

Number 8  Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7  Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6   Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny.  If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .

Number 5  Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 3  All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2  In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

- - - and as someone recently said to me:
"Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long."

 

In a Texas Kindergarten

A Texas lad rushed home from kindergarten class and insisted his mother buy him a set of pencils, holsters, and a gun belt.

 

"Whatever for, dear?" his mother asked.  "You're not going to tell me you need them for school?"

 

"Yes, I do," he replied. "Teacher said that tomorrow she's going to teach us how to draw."