Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Humor: Nudist Colony Rules

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.

The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call for me?'

The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'

She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'

Smiling, she led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel, eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.

'Did you call for me? ' asked the hairy man.

'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer.

'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she asked.

'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.'

'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.'

'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here!!!'


Search Amazon.com for nudist camps

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Humor: Cardiovascular Exercise

The older we get the more important it is to incorporate exercise into our daily routine.

This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.

If you're over 50, you might want to take it easy at first, then do more repetitions as you become more proficient and build stamina.

Warning: It may be too strenuous for some.

Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!





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That's enough for the first day.

Great job !!

Now have a glass of Wine.


Cardio Exercise Equipment: Discover The Facts! What To Look For In A Cardio Exercise Equipment! AAA+++

Born and Raised…this is so wrong!!!

Way to go Congress…….I now have even a bigger respect for Arizona !

My name is d'Lynn. I'm a disabled Vietnam vet. I don't look too bad for a beat-up old fart, do I? And that's my ride. She's looking pretty good also, especially when you consider that she'll turn twenty this summer.

That's right, it's a 1990 with a 1990 sidecar. I can't ride a solo bike, ergo the sidecar rig. It's my sole means of transportation - rain or shine, snow or wind, and this summer also marks a milestone in both of our lives, as I will finally be able to pay her off. Twenty years old? What? Why did it take so long? You weren't paying attention, were you? It's right at the beginning of this paragraph.

I am a disabled vet, which means I receive a veterans administration disability pension, which also means "I'm broke!" Just one step ahead of being homeless every month, and that's not an idle statement or an "Oh, woe is me" dire complaint. There's a point to this, so hang in there a minute or two and read on.

There's a 25-year-old illegal immigrant woman living in Florida , with eight kids. Yes, eight "anchor babies" and she receives just shy of $1,500 per month per kid, plus medical, plus food stamps.

Oh, wait. I've been informed that I shouldn't call them Food Stamps anymore. That's not PC. It's all called "Social Assistance" now. You do the math on that yourself. I'd say that she was schooled early in how to make it in the system. Twenty-five years old, eight kids . . . . . yep, she started early.

You can whip out the calculator if you want, but this woman, who never has paid a dime in taxes of any kind, (and still doesn't – she's 'illegal,' remember?) is here in this country illegally. She hasn't paid out one cent in medical for all the "anchor babies," makes more in one month, legally, than I receive in over a year and a half in disability payments and I can't even get food stamps! Oops, I mean "Social Assistance."

Technically I am eligible for "Social Assistance." I was told it would be a walk through – a gimme – being disabled. No problem, and in the very next breath I was also informed that under the law the amount I received in "Social Assistance" would be deducted from my disability pension.

Let's say I take a great photograph. It was just luck, a one of a kind accident, in the right place at the right time shot. My local newspaper offers me fifty bucks to use the photo in a featured story. (I live in a small town and fifty bucks is all they could afford.) I have to report that fifty dollars to the VA as earned income, which will immediately be deducted from my next month's disability check. If I don't report it I'm in violation of federal law and technically they can stop my disability pension and prosecute me under a federal felony. Pretty cool, eh? For fifty bucks.

I see no point in dealing with two federal bureaucracies, so I don't bother. What's the point? She's here illegally and with just one kid would make over twice what I receive per month. She has eight and she's not a stand-out case. She's not alone. That's the way the system works. Millions of illegal immigrants know this, know how the system works and know how to use it. (Haven't you seen the pamphlet? It's handed out all along our borders, "The Illegal Immigrants' Guide to Keeping America Just The Way It Is.") and that's just the way it works.

Did you know that the federal government provides a "refugee" in this country with a monthly "stipend" of $1,890, plus $580 a month in "Social Assistance?" That's $2,470 a month, tax-free. That's two and a half times what I'm allowed to receive as a disabled vet. And just what did they do to earn this? All you have to do is show up on our collective doorstep, raise your right hand and swear that you're a refugee and, bingo, receive $30,000 a year, tax-free. That's more than someone making $15 an hour, and they have to pay taxes to boot!

Now, in defense of the Veterans Administration, they are doing what they can with what they've got. This is precious little compared to what they should have to get the job done. At least this country has a VA.
It's the Senate that keeps passing laws, rules and guidelines, cutting their budget, denying requests for more staff and computer systems to handle the massive work flow. Their hands are tied by the very government that's supposed to give them what they need to get the job done, by the government you voted into office. Don't scream at the VA. I have. It's misguided anger.

The point to this "story?" Just why are you paying such high taxes to support this incredibly screwed-up government? Why? And I'm not proposing you stop paying your taxes. That's wrong. There are good programs and reasons to pay your taxes and support our government.

What am I proposing? It's quite simple. Vote.

The government, our government, is broken and we as the voters serve as the maintenance crew. We fix it . . . . . by voting. If your state Senator has been in office more than two terms, vote 'em out at the next election. If your state representative has been in office more than two terms, vote 'em out of office. We put term limits on just about every publicly-elected official in the country except the House and Senate.

Why? Believe me, they know this and love it! Ahhh - the power!

I don't care how much you believe your Senator or Representative is doing a good job. They're not! Look at the government you have....that we have. How can you state they are doing what you want as the voter that put them there? How?

Vote them out of office. Do it.

Change the course of this country's history by what you are granted and guaranteed under the law. Vote! And if you have the guts, the anger, the outrage, start a petition in your state for a state-wide initiative to be placed on your next state ballot. Limiting the terms of office for your state senators and state representatives to your federal government to two terms. The federal government will never pass such a law, but you can. You can get it done. You can force it. You can make it a law.

This is the first step in "getting it right." Just vote. It's simple. It's easy, dammit!

This first step will send a very clear message. It'll work. It'ill put "us" back in control of "them." As it should be. As it was intended in the first place.

Are you an American? Born and raised? Then vote!